Thoughts from a Therapist

Helpful tips on How to Expand your Personal and Relational Wellness

Category: Relationship Tips

  • Love, Acceptance, and Growth | What Real Love Actually Asks of Us

    Love, Acceptance, and Growth | What Real Love Actually Asks of Us

    Love involves more than blind acceptance; it requires balance between acceptance and growth. Authentic love respects individual uniqueness while also encouraging partners to develop and meet relationship needs. As partners grow, compatibility and understanding enhance, allowing both individuals to fulfill each other’s needs and broaden their experiences together.

  • Five Core Tasks of Adolescent Development

    Five Core Tasks of Adolescent Development

    The guide highlights adolescent development’s complexities, emphasizing five core capacities: Regulation, Identity, Foresight, Relationship, and Agency. Adults play a crucial role by modeling behaviors rather than instructing. Emphasizing exposure, the guide suggests that maturity arises through managing emotional intensity, fostering identity fluidity, and nurturing strong connections for a healthier transition into adulthood.

  • Nature, Nurture, and the Rhythm of Our Relationships | When Strengths Become Overused Skills

    Nature, Nurture, and the Rhythm of Our Relationships | When Strengths Become Overused Skills

    This content challenges the notion that all relational patterns stem from childhood experiences, emphasizing the importance of both nature and nurture. It highlights how certain behaviors can be strengths or natural aptitudes instead of merely reactions to past trauma. Understanding this distinction allows for healthier self-interpretation and intentional behavior.

  • When Compassion Silences Self-Worth

    When Compassion Silences Self-Worth

    The content emphasizes the importance of balancing compassion for others with self-advocacy. Uncontrolled compassion can lead to self-abandonment and resentment, undermining true empathy. Healthy empathy incorporates self-care, allowing individuals to express their worth without guilt. Ultimately, mutual respect and fairness foster deeper, more reciprocal relationships.

  • Codependence and the Quiet Agreement Not to Grow

    Codependence and the Quiet Agreement Not to Grow

    The content explores how comfort can create a codependent environment that stifles personal growth. It highlights that prioritizing stability often leads to enabling behaviors, preventing accountability, and reinforcing stagnation. True love involves embracing discomfort for growth and supporting each other in evolving, rather than retreating into familiar patterns that limit potential.

  • Resilience, Humility, and the Temptation to Be Neurotic

    Resilience, Humility, and the Temptation to Be Neurotic

    Resilience involves embracing uncomfortable emotions like shame and guilt rather than avoiding them. True resilience is relational, allowing for emotional presence and accountability, particularly after causing harm. A meaningful apology acknowledges impact and fosters connection. By recognizing neurotic defenses, we can practice resilience and strengthen our emotional growth and relationships.

  • The Building Blocks of Emotional and Social Intelligence

    The Building Blocks of Emotional and Social Intelligence

    The blog explores emotional and social intelligence, emphasizing their role in enhancing mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. It highlights essential capacities like empathy, self-awareness, and compassion, which contribute to navigating life’s complexities. These skills are not fixed but can be developed, fostering connection, clarity, and presence in everyday experiences and psychotherapy.

  • Interventions in Relational Counseling

    Interventions in Relational Counseling

    Relational therapy utilizes various acronym-based models to guide therapists. It emphasizes the importance of integrating different theoretical approaches for effective interventions, highlighting key intervention styles, including behavioral, pragmatic, structural, and more. These styles collectively support system needs and adaptability, allowing therapists to fluidly adapt techniques based on clients’ evolving dynamics.

  • Happy Relationship – loving another as yourself – loving we to love me

    A relationship is a system… it is a whole with interconnecting parts – and the whole ends up being greater than the sum of its’ parts so lets think about this is a ‘couple’ context – you and your romantic partner (though yes this could apply to any relational system) what are some of the…

  • What are 'triggers' – automatic responces

    Quick answer – a trigger is anything in the environment (person, place, thing, thought etc) that causes a predictable reaction in a person. Very often people are unaware of their triggers… they might be fully aware of the reaction… but they are not always aware of why they seemingly reacted automatically and without intention. Triggers…

  • Relationship Help | “My partner says that I don’t listen” | how to meet the emotional needs of your partner

    I am going to talk to you about what you should be paying attention to and what you should not be paying attention to while trying to become a better listener in your relationship.

  • Relationship feel stuck? Try pretending that you don’t know everything about your partner

    So what is the solution… pretend that you don’t know your partner at all… the more that you can honestly engage in this suggestion the more you will find that you actually don’t know your partner as well as you thought (in a good way).

  • ‘not -talked-about’ themes in Human Sexuality – normalizing

    Quick summary – the topic of ‘normal’ or ‘day to day’ sex is perhaps not always given as much attention as could be helpful to the masses. As sexual education slowly decreases while pornography and celebrity gossip increases we find ourselves in a society that does not always know if they are more different or…

  • Alcohol use and marital satisfaction

    Quick summary – I did some brief research (based on two scientific articles) on what the effect of alcohol use has on marital satisfaction. I am including my more thorough investigation below, but I will describe some of the finding here. One study accented the importance of commonality… this means that marital satisfaction was correlated…

  • What is empathy? How do I know if I am experiencing empathy?

    Quick summary – Empathy is when a person opens up their emotional boundaries and allows another person’s feeling to be cradled and nurtured within the loving hands of his/her understanding. Empathy is holding a narrative of another person and allowing yourself to feel the person’s emotions related to his or her storyline while understanding that…

  • Anger and Arguments – Are you defending the topic or your self?

    Quick summary: as part of increasing your self-awareness I suggest that you take a look at the topics that really get you ‘heated’ with the goal of coming to an understanding of how you personally identify with that topic. In this self-exploration you might just find that your emotion has very little to do with…

  • Who are you? How to stop conforming to expectations and to start presenting the self you would like to present

    Quick summary: Most people both consciously and unconsciously and both intentionally and unintentionally present themselves with different characteristics, beliefs, opinions, dispositions, emotionality, and behaviors etc in different settings. Who is the real you? How are different settings encouraging you to present your self in a certain way? If you closely examine the expectations of your…

  • Why might we be misinformed about human sexuality?

    Quick summary: Why might we be misinformed about human sexuality? I will isolate some themes to help people to understand why our at times distorted view of sexuality is actually quite understandable given the circumstances.

  • What is Love? How do I know if I am in love or have experienced love? Love is selflessness and felt security… love is also a physical and emotional feeling

    Quick summary: The reason that love is so difficult to define has much to do with the fact that the word “love” means far too many things in the English language. I will define the three most common definitions of love. Love is a euphoric to terrifying rollercoaster ride of emotions, love is a label…

  • Human Sexuality and Stress Management

    Quick summary: Sex has a positive impact on stress and yet stress has a negative impact on sexual frequency and desire. I have two suggestions: one, intentionally engage in practices that reduce the distracting power of stress so that you and your partner are more able to focus on the potential of sexuality in the…