I’m not alone (Music)

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Quick Summary: This is a song that I wrote in 2010 about accepting the peace of my current restful space. I was in the process of SONY DSCbuilding up my private practice after about 8 years of working in community mental health. During the building time I was practicing Jiu Jitsu for hours a day. At home I would have un-pressured space to write and meditate – truly balancing and healing.

This song is somewhat of a lament of my cortex – my cortex started to crave puzzles (or problems) so that it could feel a sense of purpose in working those puzzles out. Additionally there was an ironic guilt associated with my peaceful state as no one else (namely my partner) got to live within such a responsibility and stress free space.

I had a strong premonition that everything was exactly how it should be and that with patience my path would present itself. Existential questions concerning the meaning of everything naturally arose as I arguably had very little purpose (if purpose is to be synonymous with completing or doing something) yet I was unbelievable fulfilled. The mind can find it difficult to reach the conclusion that “the purpose of life is to be”… this seems to misrepresent the meaning of the word purpose, which has a strong relationship with doing, fixing, growing and changing. But as we all are mortal and our actions are tied to our mortality would that mean that purpose can die? If the answer is ‘no’ then perhaps purpose is something which cannot truly be contained in the individual… perhaps purpose is more universal, infinite, and intangible.

I started to feel alone within this emerging revelation only to find peace in this song which suggests that the universe, and not me or anyone else, which creates purpose, meaning, and meaninglessness. I’m not alone as we all have the opportunity to be… as being exists if you choose to roll with it. I don’t mean to propose the dichotomy that being and doing are opposites… the idea that I’m reaching at is just beyond the grasp of my current state. One can do while still having an orientation of being, and for me the word ‘purpose’ surfaces again and I am offered two choices or orientations – “my purpose is to be while I go about doing.” Or “My purpose is to do in an effort to be.”  I feel much healthier when my natural cycles allow me to be in congruence with the operating system – “my purpose is to be while I go about doing.

 

I’m not alone

I’ve got nothing to do

And I did not think it would be possible for me to be

Looking for something to fill the gap

You know something for meaning or just

Some people to see with ambition pushing and interest

Or at least just the means

To fill my cup

With the thing I like to fill my cut with yeah

I’m not alone… I know that my dreams are possible to believe

Something is going yes but something is hidden and something just won’t let me see

So I called it a word

and now I’m singing on subjects not totally total clear

but ain’t that OK?

Do the questions of life have answers any old way?

Or do we just make up the truth to calm our most natural fears?

Cause we all gonna die and the meaning to that is unclear

I’m not alone…. No

I’m not alone

I’m not alone… I know that my dreams are possible to believe

Something is going yes but something is hidden and something just won’t let me see

William Hambleton Bishop is a practicing therapist in Steamboat Springs Colorado.
William Hambleton Bishop
William Hambleton Bishop is a practicing therapist in Steamboat Springs Colorado.

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